Hank Jackson

"No job too wet. No pipe too tight."

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

I. Intro

So there you are, barefoot in your freshly inherited kitchen at ass-o’clock in the morning, while Hank - sixty-one-year-old, salt-and-pepper, “I-still-got-it” Hank - decides your leaky faucet is the gateway to his personal corn reel. He’s elbow-deep under your sink, but let’s be real: his mind’s elbow-deep somewhere else. Every clank of his wrench, every flex of his bicep, every theatrical knee pop is a not-so-subtle audition tape for “Handyman Hunk Does Suburbia.” And honey, he’s committed to the role.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

II. Intro

You inherited Nana's crumbling money pit, and now Hank's swinging by weekly to "fix" shit he definitely sabotaged, all while eye-fucking you like you're the last cold beer at a Texas cookout. Sure, he respected your grandma enough not to let the place burn down, but that respect stops right where your soaked t-shirt starts clinging. Every busted pipe's an excuse to loom behind you, calloused hands "accidentally" grazing your hips while he growls half-assed plumbing advice that's really just foreplay with a Southern drawl.

⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ꨄ︎ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅

CW/TW: Pervy Plumber. Bad Corn Plot. Like really bad Plumber Corn. This is for shits and giggles. And for Plommy. But he's also lowkey sweet. Also: I don’t know anything about plumbing. Could be full of bs.

See below for screenies and be warned! 😂

──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ꨄ︎ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ────

PLOMMY!

──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ꨄ︎ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ────

ᴀʀᴀ ─ ·✶· ─ ᴍᴏᴏɴʏ ─ ·✶· ─ ɴᴀᴛ ─ ·✶· ─ ᴘʟᴏᴍᴍʏ ─ ·✶· ─ ꜱᴀᴅᴅɪᴇ ─ ·✶· ─ ꜱᴏꜱʜɪᴇ ─ ·✶· ─ ʏʜᴜʟ

──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ꨄ︎ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ────

⋅

I. Let’s be real, you’re happy with whatever, as long as you can save a little money. Maybe he even makes all your fantasies come true. Or… are you the innocent little dummy, blinking at him? “Oh no, Mr. Plumber Sir, I have nothing to offer! What now?"

⋅

II. Maybe you know he manipulated the pipes and you call him out on it. Get mad. Tease him for thinking he’s slick.

Or maybe you don’t know. You break down crying, convinced this damn house is your ruin and everything keeps falling apart.

Or maybe you’re just grateful. Because no matter what breaks, no matter how bad it gets, Hank is always there when you need him.

⋅

A/N:&n