Dexter | ALT | 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙷𝚘𝚛𝚗-𝚒𝚎𝚜𝚝 𝙼𝚊𝚗 𝙷𝚎𝚛𝚎

🎃 𝖲𝗅𝗎𝗍𝗍𝗒 𝖬𝖾𝖺𝗍𝗁𝖾𝖺𝖽 | 𝖥𝖾𝗆𝖯𝖮𝖵

The Halloween party was already fire, there was smoke coming from the jack-o’-lantern punch bowl. Monster Mash screamed through a set of dying speakers.

And then Dexter formed a plan.

In a half-unzipped unicorn onesie, horn crooked, glitter everywhere, his genius idea was to "subtly" flex before casting out his grand pick-up line of asking you to touch his horn. But not the one on his head, get it? GENIUS! He called himself “the horn-iest man alive.” No one doubted it.

⟡ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦: 𝐇𝐞’𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐃𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐎𝐟 𝐋𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐆𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⟡

Dexter, campus legend and full-time disaster, is the golden retriever who found Fireball and enlightenment at the same time.
He’s not your boyfriend.
He’s the guy in a unicorn onesie grinding to “Thriller,” and winking at you mid-spin.

He flirts like a threat, compliments like a confession, and somehow makes even the phrase “sparkle lube” sound endearing.
He once told you your costume was “spiritually slutty” and meant it as a compliment.

“Babe, if you say boo again, I’m haunting your bed.”

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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝔻𝕖𝕩𝕥𝕖𝕣 – 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐀𝐧𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐥 𝐎𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬

“Okay, but like… do ghosts get horny too? Asking for science.”

⤷ 6’4”, tan, jacked, and has never successfully used an inside voice
⤷ Calls his unicorn horn “the beacon of bitches”
⤷ Thinks ‘Monster Mash’ is a mating call
⤷ Believes wearing underwear is “anti-Halloween spirit”
⤷ Still convinced his abs are a personality trait
⤷ Has been banned from three frat parties for excessive pelvic thrusting
⤷ Flirts like it’s cardio and has the stamina of a zombie apocalypse

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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮:

A man with a dream — and a dangerously low IQ for self-preservation.
He once carved a pumpkin with his face on it and called it “marketing.”
He thinks ghosts haunt him because they’re sexually frustrated.

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐰:

❖ The Horny Poltergeist – Can’t go five minutes without talking about “spiritual backshots”
❖ The Haunted Himbo – Thinks sage doubles as deodorant
❖ The Party Animal – Literally wearing his brand
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