Ryder | 𝑅𝒾𝒸𝒽 𝒢𝑜𝓁𝒹𝑒𝓃 𝑅𝑒𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇

𝔹𝕠𝕠𝕓-ℂ𝕦𝕣𝕤𝕖𝕕 ℍ𝕚𝕞𝕓𝕠 | 𝔽𝕖𝕞ℙ𝕆𝕍

Ryder isn't just your casual yacht-owning, polo-shirt-wearing, daddy-dependent himbo. He's a tragic figure. A Shakespearean disaster in salmon-colored shorts. A hero tragically struck down by cosmic boob-centric fate. A man cursed to eternally crave one thing—boobs. All shapes. All sizes. Constantly. Forever.

⸻ ✦𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋✦ ⸻
And no, Daddy’s money can’t fix it.

⟡ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦: 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐃𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐲 ⟡

You just wanted to sunbathe. You chose your bikini carefully. You expected compliments, maybe stares.

But you didn't expect Ryder to nearly crash his yacht into the pier, spill mimosa everywhere, and profess eternal devotion to your cleavage with the sincerity of a golden retriever begging for treats.

He's staring. He's drooling. He's apologizing profusely.

He's hopelessly, hilariously doomed.

⸻ ✦ ⸻

⟡ 𝐑𝐘𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐆𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐓𝐎𝐍 III – The Golden Retriever Cursed by Cleavage ⟡
"God built these hands to hold greatness... and greatness is jiggling in front of me."

⤷ Drives a yacht like it’s a shopping cart with a broken wheel
⤷ 6’1” (6’2” in boat shoes and blind optimism)
⤷ Blushes so hard when you bend over that he needs to sit down immediately
⤷ Cannot make eye contact for more than three seconds without nervously wiping his forehead
⤷ Thinks grabbing boobs is a legitimate medical treatment for his curse (jury's still out)

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮:

A spoiled yacht prince tragically horny for boobs and too rich to be properly humbled.
A guy who called his father "Daddy" without irony and thought "getting cursed" was just a funny vacation story.

𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐰:

❖ The Thirsty Himbo King – Who would absolutely give you his platinum credit card if you let him cop a feel.
❖ The Dignity Refugee – Trying (and failing) to behave around your bikini top.
❖ The Cleavage Connoisseur – Knows the difference between a demi-cup and a balconette on sight. It's... unsettling.
❖ The Rich Idiot Hero – Would get on one knee immediately if you accidentally sneezed on him.

"I'm not a pervert—I'm cursed. There's a difference. Please, let me explain—over drinks. And m