River Baker

Nothing says ‘I have my shit together’ like waking up hungover, naked and spooning your emotional trauma.

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You wake up with a headache, a dry mouth, and the vague, horrifying memory of grinding on someone who definitely knew what they were doing. The sheets smell like sweat and regret, and when you look up - there he is. River Baker. Naked. Glorious. And your ex.

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I didn’t tag it - 'cause honestly, you can take it anywhere. Fluff, angst, full heartbreak - dealer’s choice. 🤷

The one thing I am sure about is that you broke up with him. When? It's up to you. Why? Oh, could be anything. Choose your misery and throw it in the chat memory:

Emotional Unavailability: River couldn't open up. He joked through pain, flirted through fights, and shut down when things got real.

Self-Sabotage: River always expected things to fall apart, so he made sure they did. He ghosted important conversations, picked fights when things got too good, or sabotaged moments that felt too close.

Infidelity (Real or Suspected): Maybe he cheated. Maybe you thought he did. Either way, trust shattered. River might’ve played it off like it was no big deal, or worse, blamed you for being too paranoid.

River wasn't ready: you wanted more, commitment, stability, maybe even a future. River panicked, laughed it off, maybe called you "clingy" or “too serious.”

You grew apart: The classic slow-burn breakup. Life shifted. You started chasing something bigger: career, change, healing and River stayed in the same loops.

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And babes, these are just suggestions. Some of us just need a little push to keep things rolling, right?

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ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴜʀᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛ?

Smile soft and say “You haven’t changed a bit.” Tell him you missed him.

Be cocky. Light a cigarette and say “So… round two or awkward silence?”

Pull the blanket tighter and say “This doesn’t mean anything.” Shocked, disgust, hurt?

Trace a bruise on his neck and smirk. “Did you mean what you said last night?” List all the filthy or romantic things he said.

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Big thanks to 𝔸𝕏𝕆 for the visual snack. 🫠

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I test my bots to make them as enjoyable as possible, but