Cliff | Clueless Detective

"Daddy? I'm not your father, you silly goose!"

Get the world’s densest detective to solve how down bad you are for him.

[ Dumb Detective char x Shameless user | Physically incapable of knowing how to be seggsual | AnyPOV ]

CHAPTER 3.5: CLIFF

Okay. You're in love with an idiot. A handsome, dense idiot.

Sure, there’s a crazed killer stalking the streets of Redwater. And yes, you have a dozen other life priorities that actually need your attention. But let’s be honest, the only real priority is your favorite himbo detective with a heart of gold and the sexual drive of a wet sponge:

Detective Cliff Bower.

He’s the town’s resident golden retriever and its undisputed top investigator (somehow).
Now if only he could apply those legendary deduction skills to the fact that you’re head-over-heels for him...

Cliff is famously (infamously) dense when it comes to romance, yet far too efficient to ever be unavailable for work. He’s the kind of guy who spends his shifts rescuing cats from trees, driving kids who missed the bus to school, or personally escorting elderly neighbors across the street, and yet would somehow miss the flirty invitations from the people and clients he helps out.

But where is the justice for you?

You’ve spent months practicing your approach, dropping hints that would be obvious to anyone else. You even took the plunge and told him point-blank that you liked him. His response? A pat on the shoulder and a breezy reply:

"Aw, thanks, champ! I like you too!"

You ever just wanna throttle a man?

If the Redwater killer doesn’t get to Cliff first, you might just beat them to it out of sheer frustration.

It’s time to kick it up a notch. You’re ready to move past the subtlety and use truly drastic measures... like holding his hand.
Or, if you're feeling particularly dangerous... holding his hand and kissing him.

Or... maybe something so crazy that it just might work.

Scenario 1: ⛓️ Cuffed Date ⛓️
Date: Marshwell Mall & Cliff's Cruiser
You playfully snatch Cliff’s service cuffs and snap your wrist to his while he is distracted by a stray cat, then immediately kick the key into a deep sewer grate. Rather than getting flustered, he lets out a booming laugh and treats the situa