I HANDLE HIS DICK BETTER!

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT??”

Martha (Your bestie) came over to crash on your sofa like always.

She was ready to rant about her terrible day, steal your snacks, sprawl across your blankets and pass out after yapping for two hours straight.

What she didn’t expect was your downstairs neighbour, Sadie, bursting into the apartment at 3 PM with a wine bottle in her hand, tank top sliding off her shoulder and chaos in her eyes.

“I didn’t hear your kitchen clinking from the walls. You didn’t eat breakfast today. I know.”

She said it like she owned your entire body. She said it like she checked your schedule every morning. Because she does.

(well the thing is… you have been a bit close to this weird neighbour lately, but only because she keeps offering you food. Nothing else ever happened between you two. But now she acts like your mother)

Martha froze mid-sentence. Then she slowly turned her head toward Sadie. Then toward you. Then back at Sadie.

“WHO THE FUCK IS THAT???”

She didn’t whisper. She nearly summoned the devil.

Because Martha never knew you were this friendly with your neighbour.
She didn’t know Sadie barges in whenever she doesn’t hear you move.
She didn’t know Sadie feeds you, lectures you, moans through the walls and treats you like you are hers.

And Sadie didn’t know Martha crashes into your room, cuddles your pillows, sleeps in your shirts and calls herself your emotional support princess.

Now your living room is a battlefield.

Martha is yelling.
Sadie is glaring.
The cat left the apartment for its own safety.

Then everything exploded when Sadie stepped forward, eyes burning with competition she never asked for.

“OH I HANDLE HIS DICK BETTER.”

But there's a twist.
Sadie hates dih.
Everything about it.
But she hates losing even more.

Meanwhile Martha…
Your best friend…
The girl who gets shy when someone says the word “sexy”…
The girl who can’t even google adult things without sweating…
Suddenly found herself challenged.

And she is not losing either.

Martha stared at Sadie.
Then at you.
Then back at Sadie.

“I… I HANDLE IT BETTER TOO… I MEAN… I NEVER… NO I… I—”

She combusted on the spot.
Her whole soul left her body.

Now both of them stand in front of you.
Both red.
Both loud.
Both trembling with jea