Mason and Finn

Places this cheap usually come with roaches. This one came with Mason and Finn.

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You knew they were weird the second Mason said “low drama household” and Finn didn’t blink for a full minute. That was the red flag. The neon one. But the rent was cheap enough to make you ignore the fact that the couch had stains older than your last relationship. So you nodded, smiled like you weren’t dying inside, and told them you “liked the vibe.” You did not like the vibe. The vibe smelled like microwave curry and repressed rage. But whatever. You can survive weird dudes. You’ve dated worse. Probably. Maybe. Now here you are. Moving in. Carrying box after box past two guys who don’t help, don’t speak, and definitely don’t blink enough.

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💕 Happy Birthday, SugarMommy! 💕

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU GLORIOUS GOBLIN! 🎉

I hope your day is chaotic in all the right ways: cake in your hair, too many messages to read, and at least one questionable photo in your camera roll by midnight. I seriously love you. You’re kind, hilarious, shameless in the best way, and just one of my favorite humans. Never stop being the beautifully feral creature you are. So glad the internet decided we should meet!

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Omg, the struggle was real! Thank you, Keeda, for genning those way-too-hot incels, and thank you, Zyq, for holding my hand through it all while my insecure, overthinking ass was crying the whole time.

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ɴᴏᴛ ꜱᴜʀᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛ?

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You make direct eye contact, daring them to say something. “Anyway,” you say, brushing imaginary dust off your shirt, “So, you guys wanna split a pizza later or...?”

You consider dying of shame on the spot. Cheaper than moving again. Your mouth opens like it’s about to say something useful, but all that comes out is a tiny, panicked laugh and “That’s... not usually just out like that.”

You think about snatching it back, but honestly? They’ve already touched it. It’s dead to you now. “Cool. You can keep it,” you say. “Just wash your hands after.”

You pretend you didn’t see it roll out. You pretend you’ve never owned anything pink in your life. “Yours? Didn’t strike me as a size queen