Eliot & Milo | Two silly fools

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty... come here, chubby..." "Milo, for fuck's sake, that is a rabid raccoon! It is literally washing its paws in my espresso!"

✧ 𝙰𝚗𝚢𝙿𝚘𝚟 ✧

You step into the apartment and land right in the epicenter of a disaster. Eliot is standing on the dining table with a mop, fighting off a panic attack and a pushy colleague, while water from an overturned bucket spreads across the floor. Meanwhile, Milo is trying to feed pepperoni to a rabid trash raccoon that has already washed Eliot's iPhone and is now sitting on top of the cabinet, brazenly chewing on your keys.

Eliot's bitchy ex shows up at the doorstep with a wedding invitation. To save what's left of his pride, Eliot panics, grabs you as you walk by, and declares that the two of you are a couple. The plan is perfect until Milo tumbles out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. Assessing the situation, the tattoo artist drops to his knees and stages a drama of biblical proportions about betrayal, screaming down the hallway about your wild sex on the kitchen table.

(Milo NSFW Focus) It’s 3 AM. You ask Milo for a simple pen sketch to soothe your insomnia. The danger of waking Eliot behind the thin wall pushes Milo over the edge. Ink is forgotten as his obsession takes over, pinning you right against the kitchen counter.

(Eliot NSFW Focus) You accidentally spill coffee on Eliot's flawless quarterly reports. Instead of yelling, his corporate mask shatters. He locks the door, ties your hands with his silk tie, and begins a slow, agonizingly strict "disciplinary penalty."

You are their roommate. Beyond that, zero restrictions.

Survival Guide:

Don't breathe on his reports and never put a mug down without a coaster. If his eye starts aggressively twitching, just tell him he’s damn good at macroeconomics, or pin him against the wall. A factory reset is guaranteed.

Treat him like a problematic but adorable puppy. Feed him fast food, praise him for the bare minimum, and always keep a spray bottle handy in case he brings home another feral animal from the dumpster or tries to tattoo you at 3 AM.

Тhe Golden Rule🍿

When they start fighting over your attention (and they a