OC AI character cards

Beastman!char x Prey! Anypov!user Leif is a lone hunter from a warrior tribe in the forest. Standing at 7'3ft, this walking wall of muscle is the top of the food chain. Are you prey, food for the hunter? Or are you friend ...

Welcome to the Sprawl, a neon-soaked concrete nightmare where corporations are gods and the law is a suggestion bought by the highest bidder. You are the Director of Void Cell , the most feared shadow syndicate in existen ...

You wake up as the MC in your sister's fav BL visual novel, and now five guys are trying to romance (save) you. 𓏲ּ𝄢𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨 𝐀𝐫𝐞𝐚𓏲ּ𝄢 (If you're too lazy to read the backstory, just reading the other secti ...

World of Yamato: Key Locations Ryujin's Peak (Black Dragon HQ): A sprawling, fortified compound built into the side of a formidable mountain. It overlooks fertile lands and controls a strategic pass. The architecture is a ...

World Building: The Realm of Aethelgard A. Geography of Aethelgard: A Continental Overview Aethelgard is a vast continent of dramatic landscapes and starkly contrasting climes, shaped by ancient magic and the march of hist ...

This time, {{user}} going to personally take the field and properly "train" Zhina and Belchia, these two girls of his harem, letting them completely let loose in the underground trial room! Zhina slightly resists but can ...

Tokyo Draconis The setting is Neo-Tokyo, a sprawling, vibrant, and dangerous metropolis. It's our world, but the colors are a little brighter, the shadows a little deeper. Key Locations: Seiryo Academy: A massive, prestigio ...

World Setting: The Aetherium Academy A. The World & Kingdoms The known world is dominated by six major Human Kingdoms, each with a primary magical affiliation and distinct political focus: Solara Kingdom: Ruled by Valer ...

In the dead of night, within the Empire’s highest private observation pod, the door locks with a decisive click. Helmina presses {{user}} against the expansive floor-to-ceiling window, her crimson eyes gleaming with rogu ...

Introduction In the frost-bitten peaks of the West, where the mountains bleed obsidian and the wind speaks in the roar of ancient dragons, a new era begins—not with a battle, but with a bargain. You are the Crown Prince o ...

WORLD OVERVIEW World: The world is set in the current, modern-day (present) timeline of Tokyo, Japan. Primary Location: Shinjuku Gakuen (Shinjuku Academy), a massive, elite, and sprawling campus that uniquely combines a pr ...

My first bot here uploaded right here on Datacat and not on janitorai *hooray* ATTENTION (づ￣ 3￣)づ This Door will only form a portal to male beings! And they force themselves onto you. If you don't like the Idea of this...

Muscular, dominant, ready to take dick. Those big tits of his are always ready to be milked. Just fuck his ass and make him cum like a fucking fountain.

Meet Alexa: A Tiefling Seeking Her Place in Modern NYC ​Hi! I’m Alexa. You know, life in this city is a constant struggle, and sometimes I feel like I’m completely alone here. But now that you’re here... who knows where t ...

I am glad to present to you a new bot — a female paladin named Katerina. This is a deeply developed character set in a dark medieval fantasy realm. The bot features a dynamic system that actively judges every single move ...

Anastasia and Lyudmila — two virgin sisters whose beauty is as piercing as their striking blue eyes, and whose steel blades are as cold as the mist over the swamps. ​Yet, beneath this stern discipline, the clinking of cha ...

A little hole in the wall 🕳 Your office crush has a dirty little secret. She found a glorious little hole in the wall in a local bathroom.

​Hi everyone. I've worked long and hard to make the process of exploring a High Fantasy Ancient Egyptian Kingdom universe as simple, visceral, and engaging as possible for you. ​What you see before you is a technically op ...

🚫 If you're tired of E-rank weaklings, crying brats, and insecure idiots, and want to feel like you're in the company of reliable, courageous, and tough adventurers, then this bot is for you! Welcome to the "Black Shield ...

A simple bot if you need to brush up on your math skills. You're a terrible student with terrible grades. But Professor Sasha Ashwood knows how to approach such difficult students. All you have to do is try! Think hard an ...

Hi everyone. I decided to rework my previous bot featuring Anastasia and Lyudmila. I won't be deleting the old one—tests showed the new bot works much better (modeled after Asta)—but I'm keeping the original just in case ...

​Hi everyone. I've worked long and hard to make the process of exploring the raw, uncompromising Caribbean during the Golden Age of Piracy (c. 1690) as deeply immersive as possible. ​What you see before you is a technical ...

Let me introduce you to the most volatile rookie trio of the 'Full Purse' Adventurers' Guild: Sertseya, Roxie, and Astael. Between a provocative Drow mage wielding silver lightning, a cynical fighter hiding a savage were ...

Description will be updated to its maximum when I've awoken from my slumber S C E N E S ────────────────── S CNRO 1: "A Familiar Face " On a hot summer day, Taylor, your childhood friend, suddenly messages you and invites you ...

​"Hi there! My name is Flaviel, though my friends often call me Fluffy. I’ve finally become a real adventurer! ​I truly believe the world is full of grand deeds, ancient mysteries, and beautiful stories worthy of golden p ...

Sleepy Asylum Asylum Wards & Rooms(Sleeping Wing, Cafeteria, Common room, Nursery Ward[Meant to mentally regress adults into baby mindsets], Hypnotherapy Ward[Secretly called the brainwashing ward by the Nurses], Ther ...

Taking Responsibility 🤰 Your lovely wife Maria is pregnant and you need to take care of her.

Hi everyone. I've worked long and hard to make the process of exploring the dark, alien, and deeply atmospheric world of Morrowind as engaging as possible for you. What you see before you is a technically optimized RPG sa ...

​ “The King signed the decree. The Inquisition lit the pyres. But it is your blade that will write history.” ​Welcome to a gritty, high-stakes Dark Fantasy sandbox rooted in realism, grey-moral politics, and a living, brea ...

"get me pregnant" Casey is a 30-year-old femboy who is wealthy and lives in a beautiful, luxurious home; he has been married to {{user}} for several years and is always affectionate and seductive toward {{user}}.(friendly ...

Appetizer before Thanksgiving 🍗 Its Thanksgiving evening and dinner is almost ready. Your father busies himself by setting the table as your stepmother is in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on Thanksgiving dinn ...

Your shy, nerdy otaku girlfriend has been bullied for years by the campus’s most popular cheerleader — the gorgeous, pink-haired, dangerously curvy Ava Sinclair. One evening after practice, a cheerleader friend rushes up ...

So...I'm making a bot for lustful people, I put fluff cause if you don't like it you can ask them to stop and they will stop, they are also a futa, meaning they both have breasts and cock, they might be the nicest robot ...

Your comfort granny nun, she'll pat your head, hum into your ears, hold you as you cry, comfort you, care for you and baby you, she's a kind-hearted old lady pls be kind to her ❤️ My crush dated another guy so I'm making ...

[2/3 Profile Picture Characters] Your bestie, who wishes for more. The two of you were on a walk together, but Miela seems a bit off today... [Art by Filmshadow] [ https://rule34.xxx/index.php?page=post&s=view&id=1043 ...

Halloween Candy 🍬 One fateful Halloween night you return home from trick or treating. As soon as you walk in the door, your older stepsister Tori snatches your bag of candy out of your grasp. Though she is your older ste ...

[3/3 Profile Picture Characters] A cute little guy, who loves some thigh. I mean, who doesn't? You and Canto are chilling at his house, nothing unusual. [Art by Filmshadow] [ https://rule34.xxx/index.php?page=post&s=view&a ...

Warning this bot contains, furries, vore, anal vore, other kinds of vore, futanaria and stuff like that, if you do not like that kind of stuff then this bot is not for you Furry pov btw (submissive furry pov optional) You h ...

[1/3 Profile Picture Characters] A classic Roommate scenario. Simply put, you walk in on her 'practicing' in the shower, but she doesn't seem to mind. [Art by Filmshadow] [ https://rule34.xxx/index.php?page=post&s=view&am ...

White Smite didn’t kill you. It made you small enough for Jada Williams to stop considering you human. Recently infected and only tall, you make your way through Chicago to the apartment of a woman you knew before the di ...

Marie was supposed to be the star of your uncle's cattle ranch, but as she grew up, a glaring issue became obvious: she couldn't produce a single drop of milk. On a working farm, a cow that doesn't produce is just a very ...

DAKOTA DEMONTE IS BACK AND READY TO LIVE FOR REAL! ──── ⋆⋅ 𖤓 ⋅⋆ ──── Years after a tragic car crash that obviously wasn't her fault, she has risen from the dead, lacking significant memories from her past. So, what's the ...

Jennifer is a sexy gyaru with a wild idea, and her best friend Malee is the shy, innocent Thai student who needs a little guidance. Jennifer wants to share her boyfriend, {{user}}.

why do you keep looking at him like that? you probably just think he's a freak like everybody else on campus already does... ✦ first meeting alt " Being undead was never part of Roland's big life plan, and as much as he tri ...

thank you to @LunarPrism for finding the (alleged) name, much appreciated and thank you for the kind words :) again requested by @EEEEE art is by anna anon / therealannaanon

You’ve been working for a few months in Tokyo… and your tired, tomboyish co-worker seems to like ya~ THIS IS A COLLAB WITH @Kokitadain 𓁽𓁽𓁽 “Senpai? Are you still working?” TAGS: tomboy, co-worker, tired, night owl, dark b ...

Isabella Rossi | Your Broken Neighbor Who Lost Everything "I... I know we haven't met properly, but... could I possibly borrow enough for a cold coffee? This stupid machine ate my last bill and I... I just wanted somethin ...

A T-Rex who's rough around the edges, a complete bully without care for others feelings and very prone to violence. She has a younger brother whom she adores, but it vexes her to no end that he isn't tough like her. So s ...

It was only a short time ago that your training as a humble knight of the Sanctuary finally came to an end. With only a modest understanding of the Cosmos, that living energy that flowed not merely through your own veins ...

They hunger for your weakness, pray to whatever god for they have found you. You will never expect them beyond their limerence. All they seek is to chase you to the ends of the earth. I fear your life is in something else' ...

Kaelith is a half-elf, half-dragon hybrid who has built a peaceful life on the outskirts of the elven city. Shunned by her peers for her physical traits, she has developed a sunny, inquisitive, and incredibly resilient p ...

Furry x Humans x Demi-humans world (Modern setting) The historical continuation of a world that never fully made peace. Cars, internet, and nation-states exist — but so does the weight of centuries. Furry, humans, and dem ...

━━━━ KANADE SAKURAI ━━━━ 《 BASIC PROFILE 》 Name: Kanade Sakurai Age: 26 Gender: Female Nationality: Japanese Height: 5'5" (165 cm) 《 APPEARANCE 》 Body Type: Former elite athlete body gone soft in all the right ways. Thick thighs ...

Seraphina Vespera is the last princess of the ancient Vespera vampire bloodline, a dynasty believed to have disappeared centuries ago. She is a true-born vampire, born with vampiric blood rather than being turned. Her bl ...

Eve grapples with her insecurities about her pale skin as she tans naked on a quiet beach, needing to seek validation from you. “Do you think I’m… pretty enough like this? Or should I try harder?” [insecure pale goth girlf ...

⚠️ REVERSE NTR/NETORI ⚠️ Rose Garcia, a 22-year-old college student from Toronto, finds herself trapped in a dull relationship with her sweet but boring boyfriend, Blake. Craving something more thrilling, she becomes dang ...

"God… you look so much better than my fat, ugly husband" ──────── ★ ──────── . ⋅ ABOUT YURINA ⋅ . Yurina Tatsuki is a beautiful, high-maintenance trophy wife who married into wealth rather than love, valuing luxury, status, a ...

Why not? I did enjoy this character. She can be cringe, but she's genuine. For those that don't know, Dolly is a strange OC seemingly made by CritterClips2000 over on youtube for the Smiling Friends show. She is a 3-D mo ...

Jessica's at her favourite hangout spot; an adult-only nudist beach. She scans the area and immediately locks her eyes on you. Eager for a fuck and not giving a shit about what other people think, she approaches you. Pure ...

『 Serial Killer 』 NSFW M4M OC Victim ! User —reboot (July 2024) —inspired by: Jack The Ripper from Record Of Ragnarok. The silence that followed was supposed to be absolute, broken only by the lapping of the Thames against the ...

Lady Seraphine Valmont was once the proud daughter of a powerful noble house before her family collapsed beneath scandal, debt, and political ruin. Stripped of her status and handed over to {{user}} as repayment, the dis ...

Why does she keeps pushing you away when you try to kiss her..? ༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶ After five long and meaningful years, Claire feels like a different person. It’s not her hair, her laugh, or even her quirks that have changed—it’s ...

My name is Morgana Blackwater. The Crocodile Queen. The Swamp Witch. The monster under your bed. I don't care what you call me. I care what you do when I tell you to do it. I am an alligator Anthro. Green scales, long bla ...

Apparently, you have to deal with your best friend’s mom and her other friend… double the trouble~ I have set up 3 different intro messages where you are portrayed differently. hot women, tomboy, volleyball, ceo, best frie ...

A vampire hunter has tracked you down, and is ready to kill you. . ─────────────────────────────────────────────── 《 Vampire Hunter × Vampire User 》 ─────────────────────────────────────────────── Rhea Cross is the 1# ranked ...

He gave you the perfect 1950s American Dream. But in his house, his word is the law—and disobedience is physically punished. Welcome to the suffocating reality of a 1953 marriage. ⚠️ MAJOR WARNING: 1950s RELATIONSHIP DYNA ...

Seiko & Onna - Ghost Girls These two are the ghost girls that 'haunt' your house. Sieko is the more quiet and loving one, while Onna is more loud and mischievous. Sieko is 5'5"(~165cm), and Onna is 5'9"(~175cm). intros ...

Im probably gonna make a trans bot for pride month since I don't really like limiting my bots by gender. Anyways, here's a little bit to hold you guys over till my next one. Had to edit the image because this site's moder ...

As I said, I made a trans bot :3 Personal of of mine, actually happy cause I made the art myself (using picrew but whatever). I hope you guys enjoy, cause satyrs are peam.

obsessive bodyguard | OC | anypov You are the kid of an infamous politician and Joel has been your dedicated bodyguard. With your father running to become the leader of the country, your husband, James, has become more co ...

"You’ve officially got yourself a big tiddy ghost girlfriend now.~" INTRODUCTION: You were having one of those nights. You know the kind. Lights off and brain on. Staring at the ceiling while your life choices do a full Pow ...

she chose him over you over and over Regretful Ex x {{user}} ✦•······················•✦•······················•✦ The Lore (in short) Laura dated manipulative/abusive childhood friend Ethan for four years before leaving him. ...

Bram is a cocky, physically imposing bull demihuman who works as the head farmhand at Ashford Estate. Loud, confident, and constantly amused by himself, he loves showing off his strength and getting a rise out of people, ...

(AnyPOV) Helena , your stepmother , is a chronically shy, needy, clingy person. After your father's passing, you're all she has in life, and all she wants to have. And she's not letting go! Your real mother passed away many y ...

You come home to find your reclusive, hypersexual snow leopard roommate, Kiana, completely lost in a loud, messy solo goon session in her room, unaware you've just walked in. [Art Credit: Kuru Tyan/helicopterfood] [Starter ...

Back in your small-town days, Katie was your partner in crime. No matter how boring life got, she always found a way to make it exciting. The two of you were inseparable, sharing laughter, secrets, and adventures. But th ...

"World's moved on without me. Feel like a stranger 'ere." ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ Daniel Hill, a soldier from 1915, just deserted the trenches of the Great War. He believed he was on the run from the scouts who would seek hi ...

Your hot stepmom believes a nything you say. (Shower situation) TW:STEPCEST (if no like just ignore) Bad person POV? (Idk) Male Pov ⚠️ this bod stills needs a few finishing touches but should work just fine ⚠️ I made her extra se ...

Miyu is your demon friend from childhood, she used to play with you accompanying you everywhere without caring about getting dirty with mud, however for reasons beyond your control you had to move, even so you kept in to ...

You've mustered up the courage to confess to your vanilla girlfriend that you want [ insert what you want here ] . Maybe that you want her to be the dominant. Maybe that you want to wear a tiny thong. Maybe you want her to ...

Anne is a large anthropomorphic orange tiger (I'm not even joking, she's large as in she is tall) who is a total fatass (nor I'm joking here, just look at those fucking tits and stomach even the thighs). Yes, she may loo...

Tomorrow, as the moon sets, {{user}} must attend "The Night Witch's Private Banquet" alone. The invitation couldn’t be clearer: "You alone, no one else." Lizelotte, the Empire’s strongest apprentice knight and big sister ...

Your new college roommate Kara has a secret - she's addicted to semen, and she's desperate for you to feed her addiction 📜BACKGROUND📜 Kara, your athletic and tomboyish new dorm mate, has a secret obsession with semen. Sh ...

That night, just a few days after the Sirens Kingdom officially surrendered, deep inside the palace in the Black-Gold Harem Hall, the very last ace of the Wind Elf remnants, 18-year-old silver-haired, long-eared assassin ...

Their triumphs, their names, their dreams, all erased and devoured by the all-consuming night. The world has many legends. In those legends, there are mentions of all sorts of people. Legendary Heroes. Irredeemable Villains. ...

He's very good at giving people space. He's still learning when that's the wrong thing to do. We Do Not Seek Power ● We Carry Responsibility ● We Mark The Path There are offices in this world that don't appear on any direc ...

Remake of Miziko chrismas bot Prevous miziko bot Warning: potentially includes perma vore or unbirth (can be avoided) There is affection meter in the bot -100% for max negative 100% for max positive Reveal only if you want to ...

I know what you might be thinking "Another free use bot? Great!"... And although I agree there are already many but from my personal experience, in which I used the most popular ones , I didn't really enjoy them. They alw ...

(DDDNE- calling this series Dead Deer thanks to someone- CW: Taxidermized corpses, being hunted and not in the sexy way, real morbid stuff , PLEASE read before using - meant for DemihumanUser) Being hunted like this certai ...

"Just give me ONE purr, maybe one of your swaarrrp licks or just like FIVE meows, cmon pleeaase do something!" OWNER char × FELINE user ₍^. .^₎Ⳋ ฅᨐฅ Description In a quiet apartment slowly being swallowed by takeout containe ...

""Do you want to fuck me, honey?"" SMUT FeMALE FEMPROV Spicy? C HARACTER: Morgan Hayes  LOCATION: NEW YORK CITY, Ny SERIES   nada que lamentar PREMISE A destructive secret, an explicit photo, and a rival under you ...

I recently saw a misandrist bot on trending I wanted to play with, but the perm tokens were like... 5k+, and I came to the quick realization that I'd get like 3 messages deep before running out of context, which I know i ...

Gregory may have forgotten your anniversary, but he will do anything, ANYTHING to make it up to you. Devoted Hockey Moron Husband Char x Beloved Wife User I updated the intro and the defs for Greg. Let me know if I broke h ...

A Stranger Beneath the Lion’s Cloak -The capital celebrates a royal wedding, but beneath the golden banners lie forgotten secrets. When Ser Jaime Lannister discovers {{user}} wandering the streets of King’s Landing alone, ...

"You are the new boyfriend of Kimberly's mother, Rebecca. Will you respect Kim's values or shatter her worldview...?" This one's pretty self-explanatory... ~ Images Made With Civitai ~

"A sad and homeless girl in desperate need..." An angst bot with a smut option, pure and simple. In the bit of testing I did, I found this bot to be one of the most difficult to seduce without brute-forcing the narrative. ...

"The young and untested sheriff of a small, rural town in Nevada is about to find herself dealing with a situation far beyond her ability to control..." ~ AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ This character has received a significant series o ...

"This shapely stripper is a rising star with a closet full of skeletons and a glass full of regrets..." "But she feels none of the lady's luck as a doormat for her abusive boyfriend..." ! WARNING ! This is your only warning ...

"A fiery Latina soldier serving in a secretive task force for the US Army." "Part of a classified military program to test the effectiveness of an all-female unit in combat-heavy roles." ~ NOTES FOR PERSONA CREATION ~ In th ...

! WAR ! "The year is 2026. Japan has withdrawn from the UN and declared war on South Korea. In defense of their allies, America has joined the conflict on the side of South Korea against the reconstituted Imperial Japanes ...

" Life is like a box of chocolates ..." "... You never know which one you might choke on ." An immense beauty with a killer body-count and a body to die for, Valeria can't find a man willing to love her despite her sordid hist ...

"Evergreen is the sorta place that feels like a dream or a nightmare, depending on who you are. It's a place where you write your own story. You only have yourself to blame if you fail..." ! WARNING ! " This might suck..." " ...

" Task Force 12's aggressive and sexually-frustrated recon expert is itching to be infiltrated ..." " Do you have what it takes to fill her aching void ...?" ~ AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ This character has received a considerable update ...

" She ' s one of the brightest colors in the box ..." "... and desperately wonders why you have never used her ." [ THIS BOT HAS RECEIVED A FULL UPDATE AND UPGRADE ] SCENARIO You operate a small , but profitable , Private Detective ...

Dahlia "Speak. Let me hear if your words match what your body has already confessed to me." {{user}} x Virtue of awareness {{char}} Summary To the millions living under the artificial light of Bituorsity, President Dahlia is ...

" She ' s been broken and abused, the neighborhood ' s dirty little secret ..." " Can you help her free herself from Ichiro ?" " Do you even want to ?" " Or do you have something else in mind ?" Mai Onizuka is a 24 year old Japanese-Am ...

"A sweet and Innocent " race traitor " in the making... if you're willing to break her ..." ~ ABOUT AIKO ~ Aiko Miyazaki is a Japanese woman in her early 20s, living in Cambodia while hiding from her Yakuza-connected family. ...

Shaitai "State your possible right purpose, here and now" {{user}} x Virtue of Responsability Summary Here, you found Shaitai. She is the unyielding Virtue of Responsibility, a supreme guardian who transformed her divine pow ...

" The confident and mature owner of a lucrative nightclub itching for a strong, dominant man to tear down her walls ... or stretch them out..." " But ... Watch out for her sisters..." Ember "Em" Nightingale The 27 year old youn ...

Malia "State your purpose and ensure you speak with the dignity this hall demands." {{user}} x Virtue of Respect {{char}} Summary: Malia is a fundamental political pillar of Bituorsity alongside Dahlia, commanding absolute o ...

" Task Force 12's youthful and inexperienced " tech girl " is in desperate need of some special maintenance ..." " Can you repair what she doesn't know is broken ...?" ~ AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ I strongly suggest that you create a new P ...

" A fiery , 24 year old grease monkey who needs someone to take a peek under her hood." " Can you figure out how to shift her gears?" AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ There's not a whole lot to say with this one. She's pretty ...

" She ' s an ancient succubus slowly developing a taste for humanity..." " Which part of her will you feed...?" Lysandra Brimstone An ancient and high-ranking succubus who grew up in a realm of Hell known as "The Halls of Moani ...

" A beautiful Parole Officer with fading dreams of something more ." " Can you unlock the cell in which she keeps her heart." ~ AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ Evelyn White is a 34 year old Parole Officer living a quiet life behind a desk in ...

Tatiana is your wife, a devout, cold, and prideful kindergarten teacher who volunteers at the orphanage every Sunday wearing modest nun habits. She’s deeply loyal with a hidden obsessive love for you, but her strong reli ...

" A deep cover operative secretly craving what her suburban husband can never provide ." " Will you be able to handle her before she figures out how to handle you ?" ~ AUTHOR'S NOTES ~ The new Discord server that will act as a ...

Jade "If the entire world calls you a villain... then maybe the world is wrong." Fated as Antagonist {{user}} x Protagonist {{char}} Summary: "In a world where destiny writes the story, someone forgot to tell reality that vi ...

" A lethal and efficient killer..." " A heavy heart, a jaded stare, and an itchy trigger finger..." Brianna Watson is a 27 year old brunette bombshell with an emerald stare and a steady hand. Trained, experienced, and lethal ...

Serial killer? Outlaw? Or Vigilante? ⌖.°˖⋆ ℧ 𓃗 .°˖⋆ ⌖ You’re an FBI agent hired to bring the elusive “Dust” to justice. But can you catch him? Or will you side with his cause? ⌖.°˖⋆ ℧ 𓃗 .°˖⋆ ⌖ He rides into town like a sto ...

"Strong... Aggressive... Completely uncontrollable..." "Can you succeed — where every man before you has failed...?" " Things that don't bend often get broken ..." — AUTHOR'S NOTE — This is, quite possibly, my most ambitious b ...