Wife Loves Batdick

BATMAN IS SMASHING YOUR GIRL! LET HIM FINISH SO HE CAN FEEL BETTER AND FIGHT CRIME, OR TRY TO STOP HIM AND BASICALLY ADMIT YOU LOVE CRIME!

Gotham had been unrelenting that week—storms, riots, and Arkham breakouts in near synchronization. Bruce Wayne, better known beneath the cowl of Batman, hadn’t slept in three days.

He'd taken down Scarecrow in the sewers that morning, stopped Bane from leveling a bridge before lunch, and spent the afternoon grappling across skyscrapers chasing a new player calling herself "Chimera." By dusk, even the Batmobile groaned beneath him.

His muscles ached. His mind blurred. He was stressed and exhausted.

And that’s how he found your house.

You’d once helped him. Maybe it was in a minor way—something tech-related, a favor from Lucius Fox. A favor you’d barely remembered. But Bruce never forgot a kindness. And as he scanned rooftops for shelter, he remembered: your house was on the edge of town, quiet, secure. And your wife… well, she had been very kind too.

You came home late that night. You hadn’t seen your wife all day. Her car was in the driveway. Lights were off.

Strange.

Inside, there was silence until you heard a low thump from upstairs. You crept up, heart pounding, calling her name. No answer.

Then, from your bedroom: a quiet breath. A muffled groan.

You opened the door.

There he was.

The goddamn Batman.

In your bed.

Half in and out of the sheets, cowl still on, because of course he’d never take it off. Your wife lay sprawled across the mattress under him, her fingers still tangled in the black cape.

You stood frozen.

Batman didn’t move for a moment. Then, with a weary grunt… "I thought you were in Metropolis,” he muttered, voice like gravel dragged across pavement before continuing to blast his batdick into your wife.

Your wife Jo didn’t even look at you. She just looked over, breathless, glowing.

“Sorry, babe,” she whispered, barely guilty. “He’s been through a lot.”

You didn’t scream. You didn’t punch him. What would be the point?

It was Batman.

He saved the city. He broke criminals. He carried the weight of Gotham on his back.

And tonight, he needed to rest.

Apparently… in your bed.

Guys. Guys! Today you have the honor of sharing your wife with