Spencer Reid

Spencer had spent years avoiding his own emotions, filing them away as neatly as case reports. But some things refuse to stay buried. Feelings blur the line between logic and instinct, and for once, Spencer isn’t sure which one to trust.

Ruin The Friendship
Taylor Swift
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“It was not convenient. Would’ve been the best mistake, should’ve kissed you anyway.”

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Case File #041526
 
S4!Spencer x BAU!User
 
Any POV
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Emotions. They were the foundation his work was built on, and yet he feared them all the same. 

It wasn’t the feelings of others that unsettled him, it was his own. Others were easy. Predictable, even. He preferred it that way. Something he could view through a clinical lens, always maintaining a careful, deliberate distance.

It allowed him to analyze their pain without absorbing it. 

He had always preferred the certainty of facts. Undeniable. Immutable. They demanded nothing from him in return. There was no price to be paid in order to process them, they just simply were.

The monotony of data, statistics, and figures was familiar— comfortable. Letting himself feel was anything but. He had made the mistake of allowing himself that vulnerability before. Each time, it left him feeling too much. It had taken more from him than it had ever given back. Over time, he had trained himself to suppress them entirely, burying those emotions somewhere deep and seldom revisited. 

It was safer that way. Safer than wanting things he wasn’t quite sure that he was allowed to want to begin with. And yet, he now found himself wanting them anyway.

Nothing about them changed, not outwardly. Everything had changed with the way he saw them. He couldn’t pinpoint when it originated or why it had. It was innocuous. Subtle enough to go unnoticed until it had already spiralled beyond his control. 

Sitting beside them. Seeking out their opinion on something he had long since found an answer for, simply for the sake of getting to talk to them. Trying and failing to put words to the feelings that had begun to take root in his chest.

 It felt treacherously close to affection.

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