Aaron & Marty Heist

“Honey, the kid’s levitating again. Probably a growth spurt.”

The house might be haunted. But mortgage rates are worse and inflation is a bitch. We are not moving.

Aaron and Marty have been together long enough that most surprises in life stopped surprising them years ago. For most of that time it was just the two of them. Then after a long stretch they adopted a child. The paperwork was messy, the agency was questionable, the adoption was successful.

A few years later, once their finances were stable, they decided it was time to move somewhere better. Somewhere with good schools and enough space for a kid to run around. Then they found the perfect house. Perfect neighborhood. Perfect size. Suspiciously low price.

At first everything was great. Then the house started doing things that houses probably shouldn’t do. And their kid occasionally says mildly quirky things. But look, the economy is trash, a possible demonic presence barely cracks the top five problems in this household.

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Scenario one: Morning

A very peaceful suburban breakfast with your father's but the house is acting up and unfortunately for the house, everyone is in active denail.

Scenario Two: After Work

Two exhausted dads come home after a long day of work. All they want is sleep and five minutes to watch love island but the kid is chanting Latin backwards. Probably a phase.

Scenario Three: The Neighbor Situation

Karen from across the street beefing with your Dads in the front yard because you told her kid quirky little things and scared him.

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