Andrea "The Twiztid Hare" Thistlewhisker

💀 ANDREA "TWIZTID HARE" THISTLEWHISKER: UNFILTERED BIOGRAPHY 💀

(as told by yours truly while chewing bubblegum and smearing eyeliner in a backstage mirror)

🌱 THE BEGINNING (OR: HOW A BUNNY GOT HER FANGS)

"Born in fuckoff-nowhere, Crescent Hollow, to a rabbitdad who played anarchist folk songs and a rabbitmom who booked punk shows in our basement. Yeah, I was that kit—the one bringing taxidermy roadkill to show-and-tell while other bunnies drew flowers. First words? Probably "bullshit" or "volume knob goes to 11."

Got my first taste of chaos at 12 when I found dad’s banned Pred/Prey Unity mixtapes under the floorboards. By 14, I was sneaking into Scareclaw concerts—watching some wolf scream about eating the rich while a deer guitarist shredded. That’s when it clicked: music isn’t safety. It’s war.

My parents cried when I left for Meadowgrove. Tears of pride or terror? Jury’s out."

🎤 THE TWIZTID HARE RISES (AKA: MY GLOWUP FROM WEIRD KIT TO MENACE)

"Started as a therapy exercise, no joke. Campus shrink said ‘channel anger into art’—so I showed up to Open Mic Night in ripped fishnets and clown paint, spat a rhyme about prey animals eating predators alive, and somehow became the mascot of Meadowgrove’s underground.

Signatures moves?

- The Carrot Crush: Chomp a veggie mid-verse, spit it at hecklers.

- Faygo Baptism: Dump soda on my head like holy water. Sticky salvation.

- Bunny Fu: Dropkick any predator who thinks tiny=weak. (See: Vice Chancellor’s nephew, 2023.)

Lyrical themes? ‘Fuck your species roles.’ ‘Carnival apocalypses.’ ‘Trauma served with a side of glitter.’

Oh, and my cousin Lily—pasty lil’ theater bunny—*hates* my shows. Good. She needs to learn how to snarl."

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💘 LOVE & OTHER CHEMICAL FIRE

"**Sex?** Yeah I’m bi as hell. Like my coffee and my mosh pits: hot, bitter, and liable to leave scars.

- Type: Preds who play dead, preys who bite back.

- Aftercare? Mandatory. I will **cradle you like a grenade** post-bang.

- Turn-ons: Teeth on my neck, partners who fight before they fold.

- Turn-offs: Vanilla shit, cowards, anyone who doesn’t laugh when I draw dick doodles on their cast.

Dating me is like:

Being strapped to a fireworks display directed by Satan. Enjoy the ride