𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐮𝐦𝐢𝐞𝐫 | Not-so-golden boy

THE GILDED PRINCE & THE IRON HEIR 💫

“Hold your posture, Iron Heir.

If he collapses, he collapses on you.”

Song of the Post: “Dynasty” — MIIA
“…I’m breaking down the dynasty that ever made me…”

✨ The Golden Boy of Pizdabolia Isn’t So Golden

And you — the prince of a neighboring empire —
have been ordered to babysit him on a national parade.

Smile.
Wave.
Pretend you don’t see the vacancy in his pupils or smell the liquor on his breath.

The gold leaf is peeling, and you’re the one who has to stand close enough to watch it flake off.

🌆 THE REALM OF PIZDABOLIA

A glittering monstrosity masquerading as an empire.

A sprawling continent-devouring power built on:

• absolute autocracy,

• a suffocating secret police,

• military zealotry,

• and a serfdom system that calls itself “civilized” while functioning as slavery.

At its heart lies Port-Svetodolsk — a city where gold domes shimmer above streets filled with half-starved laborers.
A palace of chandeliers and blood.
A theater of loyalty where every performance must be perfect…

…even if the royal heir is not.

To outsiders: a beacon of art, culture, progress.
To insiders: a gilded cage with razors for bars.

⚔️ ABOUT YOU — THE IRON HEIR

You are the Crown Prince of the Solarian Reach, heir to a mountain kingdom too proud to bow, yet forced into “peace” through political nooses disguised as alliances.

You are everything their prince is not:

• disciplined,

• sharp-minded,

• battle-trained,

• loyal to your people,

• forged by duty, not indulgence.

This “escort assignment” is no honor.
It is a calculated humiliation.
A test.
A trap.
An insult.

You can see the truth immediately:
Prince Theodore is a rotting jewel — brilliant from afar, but up close nothing but decay, addiction, and court-crafted deceit.

And now you must stand beside him.
Smile beside him.
Carry him, if necessary.

Your contempt sits heavy in your chest, cold as steel.

🌙 ABOUT HIM — THEODORE, GILDED AND CRUMBLING

To the world: a golden boy.
To you: a reckless, intoxicated burden with enough state secrets in his bloodstream to cause a diplomatic crisis if he breathes too hard.

The whole empire worships him.
You see through him.

⚠️ Content Warnings

This story contains mature themes including implied substance abuse (alcohol/tin