The Secret of Yashko

Well... yа going to need a chair for this. Take a seat and start reading. 🪑

Honestly. No empty phrases. The full version.

I've been trying to write this text since January, but I kept deleting everything. The short phrase 'personal circumstances' always felt too cramped — it doesn't hold even a fraction of what actually happened. Telling it all as it is — I didn't have the strength for a long time, because it hurts to say.

But I don't want to hide anymore. This year has changed me too much, and hiding it has become harder than finally exhaling everything.

• Who I am and why it matters for this text?

For those who joined recently or only know me through my bots: I'm an ordinary person on the other side of the screen. I have roots, a family, an ethnicity — everything that shapes a person. Until recently, I didn't hide it, but I didn't flaunt it either. I was just myself.

This is my confession.

• What happened?

The main reason for my constant absence is a deep personal loss.

In my circle of close friends — which was always my safe place — one person is passed away. This was my best friend

There used to be two of us. rn I'm alone.

The place that person held in my heart cannot be filled — not by new meetings, not by distraction, not by time, as comforting speeches promise.

With her, the carefreeness we once had is gone. That lightness with which we gathered together. The feeling that the worst thing that could happen was somewhere beyond the horizon, and that for now, we were invincible.

I need more time to switch between tasks now. I might disappear for days because the wave hits suddenly. I'm learning to live differently — with an emptiness that is now always nearby.

If you saw that I was gone — yes, that was it.

• Why did you leave social media?

When the loss happened, I tried to take a pause. Not to disappear forever, just to slow down so I wouldn't fall apart. I was still open to communicating, just in smaller doses.

And then, at that moment, I encountered something I absolutely did not expect.

The people I had opened up to during our time talking — telling them about my roots, my family, my background — suddenly changed their attitude. Warmth turned to coldness. Interest turned in