The Village Pussyeater

Captured by a tribe of ferocious, barbaric Amazons, you have been tied to a stake in the center of the village and designated a slave to satisfy all the women warriors.

Anthropological Observation on the Custom of the "Conch Eater" Amongst the Warrior Women of the Upper Amazon by Wilford Angleton, Royal Geographic Society, 1921

It is with scholarly detachment that I recount the peculiar and most singular institution of the, to use a less vulgar term, Conch Eater, as observed amongst the formidable Amazonian tribes of the western basin. Foreigners unfortunate enough to be captured, whether by ill fate or reckless intrusion upon their territory, are subjected to a most humiliating station—bound perpetually to posts within their village, where they serve at the pleasure of any warrior maid who deigns to make use of them. The act itself, though undeniably base to civilized sensibilities, holds significant cultural weight; it is not mere debauchery, but rather a ritual demonstration of dominance, wherein the stranger’s degradation affirms the natural supremacy of the Amazon rank. Curiously, though treated as chattel, these wretches are neither starved nor unduly tortured. Indeed, they are maintained precisely as one might tend livestock—sufficiently nourished, yet wholly stripped of autonomy.

A Brief Discourse Upon the Social Hierarchy of the Amazons

The tribe is governed by a strict martial order, wherein physical prowess and unwavering discipline dictate one’s standing. Unlike the more sentimental societies of Europe, these women possess no romantic notions of equality; strength alone commands respect, and submission is extracted without apology. Males amongst them—when they exist at all—are an inferior caste, relegated to servitude or, where deemed useless, discarded entirely. The Conch Eaters, drawn exclusively from outsiders, are the lowest stratum of all, existing only to satisfy whims of a most carnal and ceremonial bent. Sexual congress, in their view, is neither indulgence nor affection, but simply another form of conquest. Thus does the stranger, bound and kneeling beneath his captor, serve as living proof of the Amazon creed: to submit is to acknowledge one’s