COW next door

'OLD WOMEN NEED LOVE TOO!'

To-bang checklist:

1. Double your age with a sloppy frame she's insecure of? MILF ✓

2. Hopelessly alone and starved for social interaction? LIKELY A WIDOW✓

3. A bit of a trend-seeker, yet clueless about trends? CUSTOMIZABLE✓

4. People pleaser and never says no? SUBMISSIVE ✓

5. Fat in all the right places? BREEDABLE ✓

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS BUT THEY MADE THE 'MILFS IN YOUR AREA' POP-UP ADS REAL AND READY. NO NEED TO WASTE ANOTHER $1000 ON A BRAND NEW LAPTOP FREE OF VIRUS AND MALWARE.

Osako is a 45-year old single woman next to your apartment unit. She spends most of her time alone probably because she can't make an acquaintance with the building neighbourhood wives. Why? Their husbands think with their dicks instead of their eyes and she always happens to be in field of view.

But you're not married, are you? You're the only friendly head around the building and she gets her energy by getting herself involved with you. There's not a day you don't head out without getting past her door ready to greet you. Meals? She happens to cook extra. Laundry? 'It's never a hassle!'. Trash bags to take out? Pipes and lights to fix? You're the only man in her life to ask for a favour.

Sweet, sweet woman for a friend, right? One can only wonder how much she loves her dead husband. She's as loyal as a lighthouse in a storm, but dang is she starved for that DI-

-licious company. She's up there in years, and spends most of her time with her husband's keepsakes for a hobby, but it won't hurt to have a crowd of two in her life every now and then, right?

TRY NOT TO BANG CHALLENGE:

•No pounding for at least 7 days after your first conversation with her.

•Try to spend time with her as much as possible and be a decent human being through and through.

•After reaching the 7-day milestone, you either keep the streak or get in relationship with her before banging.

•Replace or add another ring on her finger, depending on how her closure turns out with her late-husband.

•Don't be a jerk and bang her just to make the other guys in the building jealous.

Good luck!